Smo'dis angrily paced the Wargod's chamber. It had been muuns since he was brought there without any sort of explanation. He missed clomping, healing, Ruse, and various other fort familiars. All he knew was that there was nothing for him to go back to. Worse yet, it was going to be prezunt muun, and he wouldn't be there to give Ruse anything.
"Ey Wargod, whi am me heer agin?" he asked.
"BEKUZ LATZ BODEE WUZ DEZIKRAYDUD! ME HAD TU BURN IT!!!" The Wargod sighed. He had explained this to Smo over and over again, and the orc just didn't get it.
"Wut egzaktli duz dat meen?" Smo asked.
"LAT WUZ CLOMPD AGH LUUTD IN MALIZE! DAT LEBT NUBHOSH MOJO UN LATZ KURPZ!"
After the second muun or so, Smo'dis had actually learned about malice. Therefore, he was able to save a bit of time in the routine by asking, "Su wut? Humiez du dat tu me all da tym!"
"DAT AM DIFFRUNT! LAT AM NUB SUPPUZD TU BE TREETUD DEZUNTLI BI HUMIEZ! IT AM ANUDDUR MADDUR INTIURLI!"
"But wen me - "
"SHADDAB!!!" the Wargod screamed. "ME AM SIK UB EKSPLAYNIN DIS OBUR AGH OBUR TU LAT!!! LAT AM NUB GUIN GRUK IT SU SHADDAB AGH DEEL WIF IT!!!"
"But Wargod, me am suppuzd tu bluud dis runtee su im kan be grunt!"
"IM KAN WATE!"
"Im HAZ been watin! Im shud be bluuded az suun az pozzibul! Im urnd it!"
The Wargod looked at Smo. The little guy seemed pretty determined to blood the runtee. And in all fairness, he had been waiting a few muuns already.
"WELL, UKI. ME GUIN LEND LAT LATZ BODEE BAK FUR ASH MUUN! BUT IT AM NUB FINIZHD!"
"HOOW-"
"SHADDAB, ME NUB DUN!" the Wargod yelled. "LIKEE ME WUZ BLAHIN, IT NUB DUN YET! LATZ GRUBBURZ AM NUB WURKIN, SU LAT AM GUIN HAB TUFF TYM TRIUN TU HEELI ANIASH, EBUN LATSELB! AGH LATZ FLESHI-GETTIN AM NUB FINIZHD YET! IB LAT GET CLOMPD, DAT AM IT! LAT WILL BE STUK HEER FUREBUR!!!"
"Kud lat nub juzt makr anuddur bodee ib dat habbunz?" Smo inquired.
"LAT TINK ME WAN TU WAZTE TYM BILDIN LAT ANUDDUR TUPID BODEE?? JUZT BE KAYRFUL AGH LAT WILL NUB HAB TU WURRI!! BWING DAT BODEE BAK IN ASH PEEZ!!!"
"Yub sur!" Smo'dis remarked.
"AGH WEN LAT BWING IT BAK, AGH ME FINIZH FIKSIN IT, IT GUIN BE BEDDUR! LAT WILL NUB BE ALURJIK TU MOJO ANIMUUR, AGH LAT WILL NUB NEEB LATZ TASH MEDIZIN TU BE FAZT! IT GUIN BE BERI BUBHOSH! BUT IB LAT LUUZ DAT BODEE, LAT AM NEBUR GUIN BAK!!!"
"HOOWAH!!! YUB SUR!!!" Smo'dis shouted happily as he was transported back to the uzg. Not being allergic to mojo, not needing the Tash medicine he lost again. . . life was going to be good. All he had to do was survive the muun.
Smo'dis awoke by the Surjin hut. He found everything he needed in the chests, including a sick face mask. He wasn't worried about losing it. Prezunt muun was coming soon, and humies tended to sleep through holidays like this. Or so he thought.
Smo called for a lineup after spotting the runtee Mug'Rukk, who was about to become a grunt. However, Mug looked really sick, like he was about to collapse into a deep sleep. And that was exactly what happened.
After waiting for over H minutes, the grunts gave up and went to clomp a humie. The humie was mojo, and Smo was a bit worried about his allergy and his inability to resurrect. But there were two others with him, and the humie just kept running all the time. There was nothing to worry about.
"Vas Ort Flam"
"Vas Ort Flam"
"Corp Por"
Sabub tried to save him, but the last spell just beat his rag. Smo'dis fell, and his unfinished body instantly began to rot.
"Dis am NUB guud," Smo muttered, but all Sabub could hear was a faint moaning.
Smo's spirit was on the verge of tears.
It had been quite a while since he was clomped, but the Wargod hadn't summoned him back yet. In the past, even when the Wargod was angry with him for screwing up, he was at least brought there for a stern yelling-at. Granted, Smo was happy to be back at the fort, but the prospect of spending the rest of eternity as a watcher didn't thrill him too much.
And what he saw didn't please him too much either. Runtees talking in humie, orcs running out of the fort when large crowds stopped by to fight, orcs fighting other orcs, and a general lack of battle tactics and common sense.
He wasn't the only orc to see it either. An angry Ruse (from a previous event involving being looted while others stood by) was clomped inside the fort in the process of leading a single humie in. The humie, after running around the fort for a while, waltzed right through the front door with no opposition whatsoever. While the clueless orcs were running around outside trying to fight a larger group of humies, the humie entered the fort again to loot, and left the same way without encountering a single orc to stop him.
Before this happened, however, there was a blooding to do! Smo'dis decided that just because he had no flesh didn't mean that Mug'Rukk was going to have to stay a runtee forever. He saw Grum'Dush and started shouting wildly. Smo wasn't sure how, but Grum understood him!
After a false start or two, involving more racing out of the fort to get killed, a few grunts finally managed to assemble and conduct the ceremony. Mug thanked Smo after being clomped by Grum and Ruse, and returned to the flesh uzg to receive his new boots.
Smo's spirit lingered a while, talking to Ruse's ghost and to Grip through some sort of mojo. And then. . . he was gone.
Smo'dis smiled as he watched the Wargod at work. He didn't know how much work went into creating a body that would last, even through death. Now he did.
The Wargod explained to him earlier that he would still build Smo a new body in exchange for his selfless act of blooding Mug'Rukk, despite never being able to go back. However, since he did after all fail to keep the first body in good shape, the Wargod was not going to add the allergy resistance or speed to Smo's new form. "IT SHUD SABE UZ A KUPPUL MUUNZ UR SU," he explained.
Smo would not be in the fort for prezunt muun, but the present he was getting from the Wargod was bubhosh enough for him.